It's time for some reflection

thinking about life,
I started to reflects again my journey of life and each stop that i took.

After high school, i took sewing class, i have about 3 to 4 pairs of kurung i made myself through the training, and that is it. If only i learn some more, if only i have passion to learn other design and style. maybe i can open my own business. Or at least make some clothes for my family and friends. If only...
Then i started to write when i first got my own laptop, during i started my studies in university. I started write again after i quit during lower form in high school. Then i wrote about 3 short love stories, some poems and a few halfway stories left abandoned. Just like that. If only i get myself some dedication to keep writing, keep producing new stories, i might be better and better. Maybe now i can already publish one or two of my stories. Or get some composer to turn my poems to some songs. If only i make some effort. If only...

Being a human being that finally realize that i need to make interaction with the people, and have what they called social life, makes me abandon some interesting things that i only do when i'm alone.

Having best friends makes me talk to them instead of writing a diary, 
Admiring celebrities makes me forget to think how pitiful I was, 
Part time job fill up my free time to write. 

Should i say i am lonely before this? Ermm, not really because i love my life. The thing is, i still thankful for who i am today, Experiencing new things everyday makes me, ermm how do i say it? Knowledgeable? yeah, maybe. I learn new things, from the people i see, from the situation i faced. It's actually great.

I just miss who i am in the past. Aainaa that used to keep her secret to the very end, that cries during the night before sleep without anyone noticed, the one that do everything by her own.  Now i'm smiling remembering who i am yesterday and how today really change me. I wonder what tomorrow awaits me.

Despite of everything that was happened, is happening and about to happen, I pray hard so that all of it turns out to be something great and interesting, because i wanna live my life without regret.
InsyaAllah.